It is always so hard leaving Cleveland to head back to LA. I’ve lived in NE Ohio all my life. I left in February 2013 to move to Los Angeles, Calif. to be with my boyfriend (who was my best friend for 19 years before that). I visited Ohio three times last year, and this was my first trip back this year. I’ve been in Ohio for two weeks, and leave tomorrow morning for Chicago for a week.
There’s a quote from the movie Garden State that sums up exactly how I feel each time I leave Ohio:
“You know that point in your life when you realize that the house you grew up in isn’t really your home anymore…all of the sudden even though you have some place to put your shit, that idea of home is gone…or maybe it’s like this rite of passage…you will never have that feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, for your kids, for the family you start. It’s like a cycle or something. Maybe that’s all family really is: a group of people that miss the same imaginary place.”
I knew moving to LA would change me. That was the point, after all. I wasn’t doing much with my life when I lived in Ohio before. I have a bachelor’s degree in speech therapy and audiology, but I was working three part-time jobs for minimum wage. I had no direction. No ambition. No purpose. I left my parents, two brothers, two nephews, and pup to live in LA. To find myself. Whatever that means.
I always have a similar experience when I come back to Ohio. My trip starts off with me despising being here. It’s dirty, the weather sucks, and everyone and everything is the same. Then a week passes, and I realize how much I love knowing where I am driving, how much I love the thunderstorms, the ability to see friends and family at the drop of a hat, spending time with my nephews, and the comfort and support that I don’t usually get in LA. I realize that Ohio will always be my home, even though LA is now my home. I honestly feel like I have two homes. It’s such an interesting feeling.
I spent time with my older brother, Chris, whom I rarely talk to anymore, and my nephews Toby and Eli tonight. I took Toby to his soccer practice and we picked up dinner for Chris, and then played in the backyard. It was a very simple evening. An evening that happens a lot for people and they wouldn’t think twice about it. But it meant so much to me.
My nephews, Toby and Eli. <3 (taken tonight while playing in their backyard)
Now I am at my parents, packing up all my things, and I just want to cry. But the thing is, I’m not really sure why. I’m very sad to leave. I don’t know when I will be back. I’m sad that my parents are selling the house I grew up in, so when I come back, I really won’t have a home. I’m also happy that I have a place that I miss so much. A place filled with family and friends and people I love. It’s very bittersweet. I noticed that I stopped saying goodbye to people. I didn’t say bye to my dog Emma. Or my dad (although I thought I would see him again before I left). Or my mom. Or sister-in-law. I think that’s because I don’t want to accept that I am leaving. It’s been a year and a half since I left Ohio, and there are so many things that I can’t stand here, but it’s still such an important place in my heart. I can’t seem to let go.
And I don’t think I want to.
- Have you ever left home? What was your experience with creating a new home for yourself?
- How do you define home?
lyndsinreallife
I moved to California from Connecticut when I was 21, with a B.S. degree in hand and very little money in the bank. I moved away from home without knowing a single person in LA, not having a job and had no place to live. I built myself a life here… a good one. For years, when I traveled back “home”, I still felt that draw. For many, many years I considered CT my “home”. But in reality… it’s not and hasn’t been for a long time. My husband grew up here in LA, my kids were all born here… I’ve lived here for longer than I lived in CT. THIS is home, but it took a long time to realize it.
Carolyn West recently posted…Share a Coke and Share a Smile #ShareItForward
What brought you to LA in the first place? I’m glad it’s home for you 🙂
I think I know how you’re feeling. I just moved from Philly to Alaska and while I miss “home” a lot, I don’t really miss the idea of being there. Philly is dirty, smelly, overcrowded, and has crazy traffic problems – but I miss the familiarity and the knowledge that I could go home to my parents’ house whenever I wanted. I think wherever your parents are might seem like home to you, even if it’s not your old house. It must be so hard though, hopefully it gets better soon!
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That’s a great point! Wherever your parents are. I think part of it is this is the first place I’ve ever lived besides my parents house. What took you to Alaska? That sounds beautiful!
You were right, a tear jerker <3 I've never watched Garden State, clearly I need to. I have no lived with my parents for the last five years (went away to college, very far away) and even as I am getting reading to move into my very first REAL apartment with my boyfriend, this strangeness comes over me because I still associate my mom and dad with "home." I never call where I live now home, I call it "school" because I am here for graduate school… I'm wondering how that will change when I no longer have school keeping me in this location, but instead it is one that I have chosen (starting in a month!) I think for me, home will always be a part of where I grew up with my parents, but I think it's true, you CAN have two homes…
Home is where there are people that love you <3
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I LOVE that Amber! Home is where there are people that love you. That’s perfect. I never went away to college, I commuted. I’ve never lived anywhere other than my parents house (until LA), so I think that plays a big part in it!
Dan and I say we have no connection to any place we live. This is our fourth home in 20 years. This town feels the most like home. But for me, the sense of home is what you make of it. We would pick up and move to a new town in a heartbeat. However, Allyson wants us to say here at least until she graduates college since this place and this town is home to her.
It was always comforting when my parents were alive knowing that my childhood home was there and I could pop in to say hi any time I wanted. We all did it a lot. The towns we both grew up in are now overcrowded and congested with traffic that we both don’t go back anymore.
Where ever your parents live, they will always make it feel like home for you.
It sounds like you had a nice trip with your family. Cherish the moments.
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Where are you and Dan from? I think where my parents are is home too. That’s so true. It was a very good trip! Definitely cherishing the moments. Thanks Mary <3
I think that happens to all of us eventually. I was just thinking about that the other day. My daughter is a senior in HS so I was thinking that one day soon she won’t think of our house as hers. It made me so sad but I guess it’s a part of life.
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Very true Deborah. I always expected it – it’s just so different when you’re experiencing it. You can’t really anticipate the emotions. It’s not bad, just different.
I know exactly how you feel. When I went back to CT for a week and a half back in May, I got there and already wanted to turn around and head back to San Diego. Then as the days went on, I loved being there with family and old friends and being in such a familiar place. When the time to leave came, I was excited to go back home to San Diego but cried when I said bye to my mom. Growing up is kind of crazy, especially when you’re across country and everything you knew and grew up with is thousands of miles away.
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Right?! That’s exactly my experience. Like I can’t wait to get back to LA, but at the same time, I’m so sad that I left ohio. And of course we chose to move SO FAR away hahah.
I moved a lot growing up so home was with my mom no matter where. Now? It’s with my husband and kids 🙂
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I love that Jill 🙂 I think home is where you make it. I don’t have kids yet but I imagine once I do, it will change my perspective of home!
I have never left Southern California, but my sister moved to Vail, Arizona. For me whenever I visit her or she visits us she is “home”. I get chocked up saying our goodbyes. Even as I type this my eyes get watery. To me she is comfort. I had left my parents house at eighteen and stubborn as I am I never wanted to go back. My sister was and has always been there for me. So I think my “home” is wherever we will be.
Aw! Ruth that’s so special. I don’t have a sister but I could totally imagine. I think part of it for me is that I never left home until I moved to LA. So that was a pretty big first move! Haha. I call both LA and Cleveland home. I think maybe when I start my own family, it’ll be a little different. Thanks for commenting! <3